MIDLIFE MINI-19, Tuesday, August 04, 2026 – It’s the Sh-t, Not the Lettuce.
Note: No paywall, no subscription, just click, read, and hopefully enjoy, just don’t sh-t yourself.
No secret, this one is a semantic troll, and we are going back to reporting Tuesday, July 21, 2026, to do it.
Note the use of contractions, for effect, mind you, as I usually do not write using contractions, but hey, who gives a sh-t?
Well, that is the riddle, and we will find out.
“RFK Jr says source of cyclospora outbreak identified, declares parasite outbreak 'under control'” (1.).
But was it, and is it, really?
Let-us dig deeper.
“Health and Human Services (HHS) Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. said Tuesday that federal officials have brought the multistate cyclospora outbreak ‘under control,’ saying investigators have identified the source of the illnesses and implemented recalls, even as the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) continues investigating the precise source of the contamination” (1.).
So, “investigators have identified the source of the illnesses,” but, the FDA, “continues investigating the precise source of the contamination” (1.).
Ain’t that some sh-t, they did, but, they did … not.
Let-us dig a little deeper.
“’We do have the outbreak under control,’ Kennedy said during a healthcare fraud briefing Tuesday. ‘We have done extensive forensics, epidemiological forensics and we have identified the source of the outbreak. We, and the companies that are involved, have implemented a recall’” (1.).
Well, that sounds pretty technical, so that should get us there, yes?
Nope.
May I?
Let-us dig even deeper.
First, we need to clean something up first, and that slighted pun could payoff later.
The source was not Taylor Farms, as that laboratory result reported earlier in July was a false positive (1.).
Full excerpt:
“Kennedy's comments came two days after the FDA said an earlier laboratory result indicating a Taylor Farms lettuce sample tested positive for cyclospora should be considered a false positive following an additional laboratory review” (1.).
Remember that part about a source being identified?
Nah, that ain’t happening.
“The FDA said it continues investigating the outbreak and collecting product samples. While traceback investigators identified Taylor Farms de Mexico as the supplier of shredded iceberg lettuce served at Taco Bell restaurants linked to the outbreak, the agency said no product samples connected to the investigation have produced a confirmed positive result for the parasite” (1).
So, there it almost is, Taylor Farms de Mexico.
Note that Taylor Fresh Foods, Inc., headquartered in Salinas, California, does business as, “Taylor Foods,” while Taylor Farms de Mexico is an operational subsidiary of Taylor Fresh Foods, Inc. (2.).
“[I]nvestigators identified Taylor Farms de Mexico as the supplier of shredded iceberg lettuce served at Taco Bell restaurants linked to the outbreak,” but that is the only definitive thing reported, while, “the [FDA] said no product samples connected to the investigation have produced a confirmed positive result for the parasite” (1.).
So, that’s it right, I mean, who gives a sh-t … cough, cough? They figured it out, Taylor Fresh Foods recalled iceberg sourced lettuce from central Mexico, end of story, right?
Full excerpt:
“The company said the recall was limited to iceberg lettuce grown and processed in central Mexico and did not include Taylor Farms-branded salad products sold at retail” (1.).
Well, the problem is that iceberg lettuce is not the source of Cyclospora.
Oblige me.
[What do you mean?]
First, “Cyclosporiasis is a gastrointestinal illness caused by the Cyclospora parasite” (3.).
Wait, are you sh-tting me, it is a parasite?
Oh no, there’s more.
Brace yourself, like, grab the toilet seat with both hands.
“People can get sick eating food or drinking water contaminated with human poop containing Cyclospora” (3.).
Wait, what? Kennedy didn’t say anything about eating poop.
Let me summarize the source of the Cyclosporiasis outbreak that sickened one-thousand, six-hundred, and forty-four (1,644) people, and hospitalized ninety-four (94) across Indiana, Kentucky, Michigan, Ohio, and West Virginia (1.).
Those nearly two-thousand people in the Midwest ate the sh-t of farm workers from central Mexico.
No, sh-t, workers either picking lettuce, or processing it, took a dump in the fields, possibly on the lettuce, and or at the processing facility, likely not washing his and or her hands afterwards, then went back to the laborious task of handling lettuce.
CliffsNotes?
You ate sh-t.
There it is, the precursor answer to the who-gives-a-sh-t riddle.
Who gives a sh-t?
The labor.
Ain’t that some sh-t?
Precisely.
***
It’s the sh-t, not the lettuce.
- Matfucius
1.) https://www.yahoo.com/news/science/articles/rfk-jr-says-source-cyclospora-203949549.html
2.) https://www.taylorfarms.com/
COMMENTS